p4square (Valentines day)

4square of Puyallup is located right across the street from the Puyuallup Fair. I smell perks! ^^ jk.

I was unfortunately late for the 1130 service since I get easily distracted from listening attentively to my gps as attentively as I should.

So when I walked in, the Worship Pastor was already well into the sermon. I was AMAZED by the stage. The decor, lighting, instrument set up, then the theater seatings, cup holders, bright flat screens...it certainly made me grow a sense of expectation on the inside.

I loved how the worship pastor preached his forte; worship :) "Worship has the life altering ability to change the world." A bit of a bold statement, I say, but in the bigger picture, it is SO true. I was more convinced of this when he put worship into application during a hard time of his life. The pastor shared his testimony and sat at the grand piano nearby and sang the song that came to his heart when he focused on God in his trials. HIS VOICE WAS SOOO NNIIICCEEE!!! I clocked his ring finger and found he was married. Whew, what a blessed woman his wife must be; married to a tall, attractive, talented, MAN OF GOD. haha! ANYWAYS!
When you want to be a worshiper, you gotta be a servant for servants don't get offended. As believers in Christ, we must have the mindset of servants. A servant is constantly giving and humbled continuously by a sovereign. As Christians, we must remember that it is not all about the receiving. It is just as importantly about the giving as Christ has so graciously given us EVERYTHING; life, health, healing, food, status, education, wealth, relationships, and every bit of resource and tool we need to handle or deal with the inflictions of the enemy. We are blessed to bless others. "Think Give, not Get". Our complaints about what we did not get from God must not inundate our hearts or else is will drown our hearts of worship.


Anywho, before I get all preachy I want to end with a reflection from what happened on Valentines Day.

First, I forgot it was Valentines day. I don't take this holiday seriously, NOT BECAUSE I'M SINGLE, but because it is an absolute commercialized holiday (I really don't care what St. Valentine represented in the 14th century and quite frankly, it really wasn't for the world. Christmas represents a more worthy being to celebrate as He did literally SAVE the world). I was driving up to meet Mina and Rachel to watch the movie Valentines Day(cute movie, loved the puns, Jessica Alba has yet to impress me as a "talent", Ashton Kutcher-still crushin on hiimm~, George Lopez..WOW he's gotta stay out of the sun-his face was very shriveled, the ending was what captivated me the most. I choked and teared up) and meet up with someone for lunch since I had promised him that I would forgetting that he was an impossible flirt with questionable intentions. He gave me chocolates, but nothing could beat the Valentine I got that day. (You can guess who it's from, yes it's chezzy, but what expression of love is not? ^^)

On the drive up there, I saw a rainbow in the sky. Bingo! My Valentine from God. haha-- In my heart I heard God say, "I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I am ready to love you tomorrow." :3 The splash of color across the sky also reminded me the significance behind it. It is a symbol, a sign, given by the mighty creator. The rainbow, I realized, is a manifestation of God in the past, the present, and the future.

Past: After the Lord flooded the Earth, He promised His creations that He would never strike the world again with a flood. He created it.

Present: God created the rainbow in the past for us to see this day (a world inclined to a future more corrupt than when God brought upon the flood). God's promise is never changing, still valid to present day.

Future: When we watch the weather forecast on the news, we actually put faith in the weather predictions. We can expect the next day what the meteorologists conclude from reading the weather dopplers, and we prepare for it. If we know there is going to be rain and sunshine, you can bet you'll find a rainbow somewhere. The rainbow, will faithfully, be put in place the next day under the proper conditions.

I have to apologize for the lengthy entry, yet again...but this will be my last apology for I will follow this statement with a warning: MY ENTIRES WILL BE LONG.

hence I appreciate every one of you who read through my precious thoughts attentively. :) As a B.A holder of English and a passionate writer, I must say; skimming is an insult! xp

_fin_

(to whom wrote to me these emails):

Hey! I just read your blog :) and I just want you to know I'm here if you need me.. but that shouldn't even be in question. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I miss you.

> Thank you. It means a lot to me that you're reading through and following me along in this adventure. haha. It makes me feel less alone ^^


I'll be praying for you. I know God is gonna use this... BIG time!


>Your encouragement brings me relief that you understand that this is not a spurt of fulfilling my personal desire and that you are spiritually sound enough to KNOW this is led by God's leadership. I am also encouraged in a way that I am given hope and anticipation as I do wish for God to use this BIG time in the future :)

<33

So here it begins...

Hello readers :) (I don't feel like editing this post so ..sorry for typos! ^^)

For those who have followed my blog since I opened it, you will see that I have deleted all my previous entries. I thought it would be fun to write about my relationship with my mom since many seem to enjoy hearing stories about it, but it turns out it's not such a fun thing to blog about..^^

I am starting a new blog as Mina and Rachel have suggested so that those who want to know where I am and what I am doing can read about it here. I deactivated my facebook for the time being (I am beginning to think I shall never start it up again..) so this will be the only public place where you will find my progress. The other sources of communication I have left myself open to are chatting, texting, phonecalls, and emails. I must say, though, that a response is not guaranteed.

As many of you know, I have been disconnecting myself from the social circle for the past weeks and will continue to be for as long as I need to be for this ...i'm not sure what to call it.."journey"? sounds cheezy.."adventure"? seems ridiculous (i'm not going "whee" during this process for this has been a VERY painful and uncomfortable time), so I'll just say...transformation..ok no wait, now that sounds too dramatic! haha. oh! Pastor Hong called it "sanctification" so let's call it that :).

Currently, I am visiting other churches to be replenished and also to research. It has only been my first Sunday, but this weekend has been a wonderful start. Many tears led to where I am right now and I still cry a lot, but I'm sure it'll begin to desist once everything that I had pent up and harbored is dug out of my heart. I am such a broken person.

In any case, this weekend I visited two churches. One on Saturday and the other on Sunday.

The Saturday visit to St. John Church Transformation Ministries International-Transforming Lives-Restoring Communities (2001 South J Street Tacoma, WA 98405) was not a visit with the intent of a church service, but it was for our beloved Mr. Williams' (Chris and Brandon's father) memorial service. I walked in crying, but then once the pastor started preaching, it literally turned into a celebration. They called it a "Home going Celebration" and the congregation praised God and celebrated Christ's expressions through John Chris Williams' life. It was SO hard to cry 'cause I found myself bobbing my head to the song and words of the minister. Whenever someone up on the stage with a mic referred to God's words people in the crowd quoted where it was from in the bible, not necessarily to be heard, but just to say it. African American churches definitely have an amazing depth of soul~ and passion to their relationship with God.

People were blessing one another and putting their hands out and waving it as if to fan the holy spirit onto their brothers and sisters. I was so touched to see Mrs. Williams put out her hands to God when a solo was being sung in honor of the deceased. The songs praised God and versed how Mighty and good He is. As the solos were being sung, there were outbursts of the people in the crowd singing along! The congregations turned into a choir; I loved it! The people sitting would stand and become back up singers, the pastors on stage bobbed their heads and stomped their feet. There was a sense of unity and i was so grateful to Christ that Mr. Williams and his family were part of such a fortified body of believers.

My next visit was to 4square in puyallup (4th St NW Puyallup, WA 98371). The worship pastor led the service I went to and he talked about the meaning of worship. I was so blessed to listen to something so basic be broken down and explained alongside God's words to me. I'll leave my experience at this church as a "To Be Continued" as I don't want this blog to get too long and I do want to address to any kind of mystery some readers find my situation.

So for those of you who are curious as to why I have left TFBC (Tacoma First Baptist Church) for the time being please read on. For those of you who already know, stay tuned for my next blog :)

To keep things simple and vague for my own sake, I shall copy and paste an email I had sent out to the Friday Night teachers explaining the reason for my leave.

Hello fellow FYN teachers,

I wanted to take a moment and explain a little more in depth the reason for taking time off so as to chastise any misunderstandings or bewilderment of this sudden temporary leave.

I first want to say, I am not tired because of serving. If anything, serving gives me life. There is definitely much to do in His Kingdom and as Satan works 24/7, there will always be a need or some kind of crisis within the body of Christ. That is not to say, though, that God is not at work too as He works beyond time for He waits for us in our tomorrows~ :)

I did not burn myself out or find myself overwhelmed with so much to do. I do realize that I live a pretty busy life and it has been a culprit that has distracted me from KNOWING God's heart for me and from having a consistently proper heart while in ministry, but this is only a tiny factor to the ultimate issue that had lied deep within me; so deep that it truly HAD to be God who would break the shell that held hidden the many complexities and pains/hurts I had.

These issues, I won't go into detail as it will make this email LONG, are things I should have properly dealt with from the day I became aware of God's existence, but unfortunately, the environs of my being (even what was missing) has made me blind or self-righteous in that all my actions, choices, and words seemed somehow justified. The cutting truth is, though, that no matter how much a victim I may be to all the "unfair" forces that has inflicted my heart since childhood, I am a sinner that must come before God completely vulnerable to promulgate ALL my trespasses; even the ones from the past when I did not know that were actual sins.

So I went about life, almost HAD to because of lack of love since childhood, using band-aid after

band-aid

(figuratively speaking..)

to patch up my injuries because I was (in a lot of ways still am) a child. I did not know how to put a cast on something that was broken because I was just a kid, and being able to cast up a broken arm would require a skill I had yet learned.

Not to victimize myself or sound like I am pitying myself, but I did not grow up with adults around me who were solid in God's words who could have patched up my wounds or correct my misunderstandings. So to be able to live on, I used what I knew I could and had: band-aids.

As of late, God had been pulling off the MANY band-aids that had covered an atrocious amount of history of sins (both performed and hurt by others' sins-such as my parents) that has made me into such a broken person today.

Therefore my reason for taking time off is not because I felt tired or burnt out, but because I want to take time in solitude and away from familiar surroundings to take this all head on for God to have His way completely with me and for me to couple with my heavenly bridegroom, my God the Father, to be one and complete. Please keep me in praying during this sanctification process and I will surely be keeping you all and the youth in my prayers as well.